undoubtful crazy stuff to do.

erhh...nilai gets stuffier and drier every day. not to mention that i feel like this world is a frying pan and im the fried chips on it. but the weather was quite unpredictable these few days. like yesterday - i was on my way to the mines with nadia - it was raining cats and dog. we were officially soaking wet - i mean really,,really,,really WET! haha. i think i made a record of wearing baju kurung and going out for a movie at mines. well, as far as im concerned, it made my sense of fashion is down-graded by the eyes of the public. nevertheless, I HAVE A FREAKING GREAT TIME with nadia yesterday. we stuffed at kenny rogers - (as a matter of fact, it was my idea of carving those quater-meals). after that we went for a movie - 2012 was awesome and exhausting at the same time. we were kind of having a really bad day yesterday - ouh, i swear i'll be careful next time. huhu..i'll be nice..i promise*wink*wink*wink.

FUN is FAIR! BLACK is WHITE!

it was tuesday..and since we got nothing but TIME - these were the things we did just to fill in all the time we have! pretty hilarious and exhilarating!

lets learn arabic! i was remembering things of 3 years ago. it always has surprises to greet me..

we were on the way to McD and it was tuesday - we were requested to wear black and white attires since it is called the professional attire day. and yes, it was meant for the law students only. pretty cool,huh? i was gazing through the colours combination worn by both of us, and funny how it went like, "hey, what a combination!" it means - my shawl would be white colour and nadia's is black, while her dress is white and mine is black! i found it pretty amazing. haha

ok,this is the thing that shouldnt be posted anywhere near eitheir nadia or wowon. they were continuosly going on and off about how slim they all look in this picture. have a self-realization my dear. haha

ahh, this would be the perfect picture to scribble things like " we are the perfect match for displaying the most appropriate professional attire for tuesday! huhu

masjid nilai..

we're technically late for arabic class and still have time for a snap of the day. haha

this banner is pretty cool.

PERFECTLY FINE FOR ME - AMEEN

I dont feel so good after coming back from the weekend - (everybody doesnt want that,don't they?) gazing upon this lappy of mine without a single conscious thought which can firmly put me onto this solid ground of the earth.

I just had a very BAD dream - some sort of a nightmare, but i cant seem to understand what was it all about. all i know is...it involved with someone that i cherish - my family. it was like the whole family tree was there. i couldnt seem to recall what kind of pathetic potraits could flash up into my unconscios mind at that moment.

My heart was thumping and throbbing violently as if i'd never had any nightmare before. perhaps, this is going to be the furry episode of my life, the chapter on which i fear the most, like the one i'd read in NEW MOON, the part where Bella suffers for about 6 months - bloody 6 months - it was as if i could feel the crippling pain that she faced, just to get through her days without Edward.

At this point, i solemnly swear that dark-novel like that doesnt bring any good to me. but i have this gushing feeling that i need this as a remedy. i must admit that these few days after my "depart" from taylor's to UIA did leave some painful stains deep inside my heart. all of those things, i wish i could erase, i would love to - just like what nadia said "i wish i have a magic liquid paper and erase every little things that makes me unhappy and left me in a state of devastation. so that i would lead a new,fresh life and i can breathe like everyone else. like what normal people do. like what people do in their typical life". it was remarkably painful to stuff every memory into my timid mind - i dont need that anymore. i wish life could be a little bit better for me. i just wish...and God, please, YOU've helped a lot already and i need YOUR help for most of the time. I NEED YOU..I NEED YOU...to stop this tears rolling down my cheeks........

hope is all i have..positive minds are all i wanted to have. i am grateful enough and i have great fortitude towards Allah. i believe in everything YOU do - YOU've done it right for me. just perfectly right for me.

ROLLER COASTER KIND-OF RUSH. CRANKY!

if you think you cant handle your life, let your life handle you!

wait..wouuhhh..head-rush man!

haha. cudnt explain anything better than i have lots of classes to attend today.

(i mean, seriusly lots of them)

and....the funny thing is, i just have my 1st head-rush and that would be the ITL subject - INTRODUCTION TO LAW.

its a freaking core-course and we havent started to learn any of the syllabus yet.

is that a problem?

owh yeah,perhaps it is but again i just could not care less.

another presentation coming up for FIM - ouh,i'm touched by the lecture.

i'll never ever get it anywhere else other than this very place.

ISNT IT AWESOME!

haha.

totally screwed up for ITL today and two thumbs-up to arabic!

haha,for d 1st time in my life, i think learning arabic is just utterly awesome

especially when you have crazy friends to tag along with.

nadia would go on and off about "ana janet jackson wa antum?"

whatever nadia, we're all just awesome and totally gonna get exempted for arabic later.

haha. okay2, i think its enough of today's report yah. got to go and eat something.

im starving like hell!

p/s - one funny thing i learn in arabic today would be - shaz means "cacat" or should i say...handicapped? huhu

LOOK UP TO THE SKY AND SAY IM OKAY!

you might find yourselves
chasing the wrong thing



I wanted to believe that the world would be better if i'd just somehow changed into a different place. it is hard to bear when your dream is just a mile away but you just have to let it go because you can already catch a glimpse of the uncertainties which might come up in your life for like 10 years from now. LIFE IS TRULY UNPREDICTABLE ISNT IT? our future is not foreseeable. all we can do is pray a lot to God that HE might interfere soon enough so that you can live your life a little bit better. life is better for me now (especially the fact that now, i have nothing but TIME). perhaps, thing will be better this way. i gotta stay positive and enough of the thoughts whispering that "owh, you'd just lost everything didnt you?" and you might have your own self-defense saying "no, i didnt lose anything. in fact, it just happened that I HAVE ALMOST EVERYTHING now". take a look at yourself. when you know you cant bear to be away from your loved-ones - then why should you be far away from them? you know that you might find troubles handling your own emotion when it comes to dwelled stress and pressure? - why would you be in stress? is it something that you cant control? or you just dont want to control? it hurts to see your dream had been taken away - but yet you cant do anything just to hold it back.



first thing first...


1. BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU STILL CAN KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOUR LOVED ONES
ALMOST EVERYDAY NOW. (I GOT NOTHING BUT TIME NOW)


2. LIFE IS SUPERBLY BETTER NOW (NOT IN THE MODE OF DEEP FRUSTATION..yet?)


3. MY DAD WILL GET ME A CAR (THIS IS THE ULTIMATE OF EVRYTHING!)


4. MEET NEW FRIENDS AND STUDY AWESOME SUBJECTS (COME ON, ARABIC ISNT
SOMETHING UNCOMMON ISNT IT? PLUS, I GOT TO GO TO REAL LAW FIRMS TO
HAVE SOME PRESENTATIONS,CANT WAIT THOUGH)


5. IT RESEMBLES WITH THE MEMORY I HAD IN MY MIND - STAYING WITH
DORMMATES,LIFE WAS AWESOME BACK THEN.


6. THINK IT IS THE LIFE THAT YOU HAVE TO LIVE IN - NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY LIFE
IS SO UNPREDICTABLE. WE'D ONLY PLANNED THE FUTURE BUT GOD WORKED IT
FOR US.


7. SOMETIMES, YOU JUST GOT TO BELIEVE THAT SOMETHING HAPPENS FOR A
REASON, AND SOMETIMES YOU MIGHT NOT SEE WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.


8. BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU WILL SEE ALL THE GOOD THINGS OF IT.
GOOD THINGS COME TO AN END ISNT IT?


9. YOU GOT TO CONSOLE YOUR OWN HEART - THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN DO, THEN
THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN GET.


10. LAST BUT NOT LEAST, YOU CAN NEVER EVER GET THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS.
THAT IS THE FACT OF LIFE....




SO,10 things to do and ten things to persuade your feeling so that it doesnt go to any deep and great depression anymore. LIFE IS LIFE - you just got to live with it.

BIRTHDAY - ITS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR HAVING CAKE.

5 October would be just another day for me - common things, regular routine, normal stuffs and a lot of other things beyond my capability towards any typical prediction - life is always being as simple as it can get - well, obviously, I’m the one who would like to suggest that it always has to be simple and moderate. No vigorous actions and exaggerating thoughts with stupid and absurd events which I should undeniably avoid. Simple but interesting. yerp. wouldn’t it be fine if i choose not to have a single crazy and funny thing to do on my birthday? YES. Haha. I would like to keep it that way. But somehow things are beyond my expectation..AGAIN.

Well, let me start with the night of 5^th October – when the clock strike 12.00 pm – my hp never stopped flashing – SMSs kept entering my inbox and i just couldn’t resist myself from grinning to the edge of the lips. My Facebook wall was packed with wall posts. Most of them were wishing happy birthday. Miyu and Razin were going on and off about me being able to legally smoke, Laila and Eqa mentioned something about being married. And this is my favourite, Yuga said that “being 18 is being yourself” and I’m totally agreed with that. Being whatever age is about constructing yourself and be part of the improvements in life. You know where you stand and sometimes you just need directions which you, yourself can’t really tell. And that’s when God will interfere like HE always does. And the rest will be just fine if you follow HIS orders. Haha. Very funny.

I almost forgot how it feels like to be remembered. Well, not to say that I was hoping everyone would likely to remember me everytime but for this very moment, i just thought that, “maybe i should be more laid back and be grateful that at least there are some people that remember my birthday. Haha. With that, i would like to thank you guys for the warm wishes. Really appreciated it all. It has been really long since i last felt being remembered. huhu. My mum and dad sent me cute birthday SMSs and I felt really HAPPY! I don’t really sense the redundant feeling of sadness for being too far from home. It felt..FINE..just fine. When you know that you don’t really have to be so happy nor too sad, it’s just the normal kind of feeling that you wanted to have. Because you will feel...perfectly FINE. Huhu

Kak long was the first person who gave me the birthday presents! huhu. she bought me two dresses and both of the dresses are the cutest dressed i'd ever have! THANKs KAK LONG. You know you dun really have to do this - but still im gonna like it! huhu. You’ve done so much that i dont know how to thank you - i just dont know how to thank you enough!

Yuga was the one who manage to get himself to be the first person to wish me “ HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”. He always been so good and nice to me. Thank you Yuga! And he gave me this black and diamond necklace of initial A. So cute! Once again, thanks Yuga!

And the doll up there – it was quite unexpected to receive a present from the unpredictable person. Nevertheless, thanks Tan. You’re a good class rep and a great friend – keep it that way.

And the goody back next to the polka dots bag, was yasmin's. She actually gave me the dress that she had mentioned about it like 1 month ago - she kept dragging the issue of giving the dress to me because she thought that the dress would like nicer on me - i tried to convince her that she should at least give it a try but she resisted to do that. Well, i guess the dress is really meant for me..huhu. THANKS YASMIN!

Another surprise came up to me - Quya treated me a secret recipe cake! owh, it was so nice that I didn’t expect anything like that to be happened - it was unreal but again it was memorable enough to get it stick to my mind for the rest of my life.

Later that night, i was supposed to have dinner with my classmates, nina, mai and laila, and i was literally late that nina was waiting starvingly because she was fasting that very day. i was so sorry dear. haha. Again, another surprise for me - THEY BOUGHT ME A CAKE! That was so sweet of them to have a cake for me. owhh - you guys are adorable. huhu. THANK YOU MAI,NINA, LAILA,QUYA,NIK ATIK, AND FARAH.

the 5th oct night was awesome! haha - i was studying absent-mindedly of not knowing what would possibly went wrong when my room started to black out until i realized that there was a cake coming into my room with DZ was playing some firecracker......IN THAT VERY ROOM OF OURS. haha - so funny that i actually tried to take several deep breathes before i knew it was the surprise for me. ouh, you guys are unbelievable and incredible of keeping it for me...huhu. THANK YOU MY HOUSEMATES - DZ,farah nadiah, emi, nik siti sarah,fatin. - YOU GUYS ARE THE SWEETEST...

on the 7th oct - syahmi treated me for a subway! huhu. it was so unbelievable that he actually meant to treat me as i was just joking and mentioned about it for the sake of making fun of him. haha. anyway, thanks to him - my pocket money for lunch was saved! haha. so perhaps my next sweet 19 will be having another treat from him at starbuck! haha. so syahmi, if you read this, you better get ready for my sweet 19! haha

Browsing into life...

I told myself once – “i’m gonna be okay – don’t worry alia,,its just a temporary feeling of disgust and hectic that came by just to literally test your level of self-esteem. And i can assure everyone that i just successfully failed the subject of test. Just one simple and easy test and i can actually bring myself to a state which everyone would consider it as a slight failure and yes i can feel myself in that particular of position too.

*sigh

*sigh

*sigh

I tried so hard to convince myself that I’m going to be just fine and i wanted to believe that, but it was truly irrefutably that the “feeling” which i am experiencing right now is such an unenviable event that would rarely occur in my lifetime. Why did i have to feel this way – i wanted to have an assertion that at least i will be fine in the next 17 months – 17 months is just like a wind breezing through your body and whispers things through your soul – meaning that it would pass you by as if you’re not even exist.

*why

*why

*why

I tend to remember every single thing that happened to me for the last couple of weeks and to be honest – nothing was really stuck to my mind....well, maybe a few things includes meeting great friends and winning the 1st place in overall performance. There were some nice things to be mentioned....but then, they weren’t really encountering my mind as the rigid metaphors to be remembered. They weren’t just yet.

However, it was the human nature that had implemented some unenviable remarks within me. It was human nature after all, and i would like to keep it that way. The way which i think it was just temporarily exist. I will always be thinking that i should have some fortitude towards this circumstance. Rather than having unnecessary anxiety – i should try to persuade myself that everything is going to be okay......insyaAllah – Allah, help me!